Best foot forward

As a guard on the train one of my main duties is the collection of on train revenue, or to put it another way, ticket sales. Now this is part of my work that I really enjoy. I love it when I meet a fare dodger who spins me an elaborate tale involving dragons, demons and a ring which could bring kingdoms to their knees. Well that would be nice, but normally they just claim to have no money.

One Saturday night I met one of these would be hobbits who was on an adventure to the City of London. It was around 8 in the evening and I was not in the best mood having already worked a shift so long I could have read Lord of the Rings.

‘Tickets and Passes please’ I called out and dutifully everyone in the carriage complied with my request. Except that is for one passenger. A young lad started to explain he had no ticket and was not going to buy one because, all together now, he had no money!

However, there was a twist to the plot. He volunteered to go to the ATM and promised he would return to the train to buy a ticket. Now as you can imagine I was more than a little sceptical about his generous offer, being 100% certain that he would run away as fast as his legs would take him. Of course, the practicalities of running to a timetable meant there was no way I could hold up the train to wait for him.

I knew there was no way of prizing any money out of my fare dodger but like a cat with a mouse I decided to have some fun and teach him a lesson at the same time.

‘OK’ I said ‘you can go and get the money but first give me your shoe’

‘What’ he exclaimed. I told him that I thought he would run away if I let him off the train so I wanted his shoe to ensure his swift return. He looked down at his feet and told me ‘but I’ve got no socks on’

I replied it was OK because he could hop. I was duly amazed as he proceeded to untie his shoe and meekly handed it over.  I took it off him and left for the next carriage. As we pulled into the station I heard the internal door open and saw the comic sight of the boy as he hopped slowly towards to me past some astounded fellow travellers. I looked at him standing there on one leg and, to tell the truth I felt slightly sorry for him.

‘I’m sorry’ he told me staring down at his foot

I decided he had learned his lesson,

‘I bet you feel really silly’ I said, embarrassed, he agreed and I gave him back his shoe but not without giving him a stern telling off.