Eats shoots and leaves 1

Have you ever considered how funny instructions can be. For instance, the automatic train announcements always advise passengers, when leaving the train to take all their bags with them. Not just some of their bags, but all of them. Has anyone ever, in the history of passenger train travel, sat and wondered if they should take all their bags with them or would it be better to leave one or two behind.

I recently attended a training course entitled ‘What to do in the event of a fire’. The course included a session on the use of a fire extinguisher. A key piece of fire fighting advice was imparted to us, ‘In case of use, point nozzle at fire.’ Where else would you point it, would you try and bounce it off the wall, I don’t think so. Maybe I am being a bit pedantic, but come on I recently read ‘Do not attempt to leave train while the train is moving’

Of course it is not just on the train that you find these bizarre instructions. For instance my parents bought a television with the advice to ‘Turn TV on before use’ or the kettle which instructs you ‘Do not attempt to cook with this kettle’.

A newspaper in the USA recently carried an important piece of information to avoid being attacked by an alligator. The advice was, and this is quite true, ‘Avoid swimming in water inhabited by large alligators!’ I also read in an advice column ‘That if your car is pulled out of a ditch DO NOT drive straight back into the ditch.’ Or what about a brochure for built in wardrobes confirming to the reader that ‘Hanging yourself could be painful so get a professional to do it for you!!!!!!!!!!!’

Finally for now, for this is a subject I shall surely re-visit, a well known UK supermarket is selling a musical 2^nd birthday card yet on the back is a warning stating ‘not suitable for children under 3’